I blog, therefore I am….

My name is Noah.  N…O…A…H.

(I saw this on a show on A&E the other night.  It looked like a good way to start.)

I came to this crazy place full of sock monkeys, yarn, cats, cameras and slide rules a few weeks ago, and I’m starting to settle in.  The new monkey mom and dad are great, even if they are a little over the top with their hobbies.  They’ve taken me to some really neat places,  they feed me pretty well, and my new dad helped me set up this cool blog.  Life is good!

Things weren’t always this rosy-posy, though.  When my new parents rescued me from a flea market table in early January, I’d pretty well given up hope.  I was in pretty bad shape when I got here.   My face was about half torn off, and I’d suffered a fair amount of stuffing loss.  The person who made me (notice I’m not calling her “Mom”?) had given me some crummy baby blue button eyes that might as well have been instant cataracts, and I couldn’t see two feet in front of me.

There was also some serious confusion regarding my gender, which I thought was obvious all along, but apparently not to the woman who made me.  She stuck some sharp, pointy star-shaped things in my ears, tied some raggedy red string bows all over me, and then wrapped this ugly piece of bullion fringe around my waist, and hot glued it to my bum, and called it a “skirt”.  She then handed me over to her kid and told the kid I was a doll.  (A doll!!!  As if!!!!)  The kid promptly tore off half of my face and abandoned me in the corner.

That sad, pitiful thing you see laying in the floor there is what I was wearing when I got here.  (And yeah… it does look like something the cat dragged in.) My new mom took that tacky thing off, but it left a great big glue glob hemorrhoid on my rear end.  We’re still working on that issue….

They took great care of me over the next few weeks.  Even though several of the old cranky monkeys around here gave me a hard time, I made a couple of friends who were very good to me while I was recuperating.

My new mom said that surgery would be necessary to fix my face, and I asked if we could do some kind of Lasik surgery or something to fix my eyes. She said it wouldn’t be a problem! (I love these people!) She fed me wasabi peas to get my strength up, and then conked me out with a huge dose of buttercream frosting and Cheetos.

Apparently, the buttercream and Cheeto sedative was a pretty heavy dosage, because I was out for a day and a half.  When I woke up, I panicked a bit, because my vision was even worse!!  (Turned out it was just the gauze – she had me bandaged up like King Tut.)

When she finally took off the bandages, it was like a whole new me!!  All I could do was sit and stare into the mirror.  The transformation was incredible!

So I’m finally mended up and feeling better than I have since I was just an ordinary pair of socks!   I’ve been watching mom do all kinds of cool stuff on the computer.  She hangs out a lot on a site called Ravelry.  I noticed that a bunch of people on there have these blog thingies, and I asked if I could have one all to myself.  She told me she’d ask my new pop if he’d set one up, but that I’d have to share it with her, so she can talk about yarn and stuff sometimes.  I said I thought that would probably be okay, as long as she doesn’t bore anybody to death with it.

So now that I have this blog thing, I’ll be documenting all the cool stuff I get to do, but I’ll also be pondering the mysteries of the Yarniverse, and my place in it.  Every day is a new adventure!