I Hate Woolite and Scotch-Gard!!!
Today’s Fortune: You will pass a difficult test that will make you happier.
I have had better fortunes, but this one was very true. I passed the test, but it took a while for the happy part to come around.
I had to take a bath a few days ago. Mom said it would be fun. She got out special bubble bath called “Woolite”, some after-bath body mist called “Scotch-Gard”, and my glow-in-the-water Peeps that my Auntie Tracy sent me for Easter. I was really looking forward to having a bath, because I have never had one before.
The bubbles looked like the foam on top of root beer, and my Peeps was glowing all kinds of fun colors. It looked like it was going to be lots of fun! Mom has been saying I need a bath for a while, now. This is because she spilled some coffee on my nose, and smudged up the back of my head with lipstick while we were in the airport at Boston. Plus, I still had a spot on my face from where I fell in the gravy at Ingrid’s. And my hands and feet were pretty grimy, too. Doing fun stuff is messy.
Getting a bath was not fun at all. Mom did not tell me that soap would get in my eyes and make them hurt. She also did not tell me that I would be sopping wet, and would have to sit on the bar in the kitchen for a long time, because she does not want me on the rest of the furniture until I am dry.
Dad heard about the bath and felt bad for me. He brought me home a sticker book and a coloring book to make me feel better. They are really good, with all kinds of stuff about airplanes. But you can’t color when you are wet, because the pages will get all wrinkly. So I just had to sit there until I was dry.
Mom really loves Woolite, because it gets hand-washable stuff very clean without leaving soapy residue. I don’t like it one bit.
I also found out that Scotch-Gard is not a nice-smelling after-bath body spray at all. It is some stuff to help keep dirt and stuff from sticking to me. It was kind of like getting a spray tan, only without the fun tan part.
The instructions on the can said, “Test for colorfastness in a hidden area.” That part was really embarrassing.
Mom says sometimes stuff that is good for me is not always fun. This one sure wasn’t. But I am clean and dry now. I guess Mom felt bad for me, too. She said I could do whatever I want this evening, so I am wearing my jester hat and playing with my banangrams.
I did not have enough C’s to spell Scotch-Gard. Too bad for Scot h-Gard.
And guess what? I get to go to Big Truck Tacos again tomorrow! I am going to try not to spill anything on me, because I never want to see Woolite or Scotchgard again.
Today’s Vocabulary Words: Woolite, Scotch-Gard
7 Comments
Cally Johnson
Noah you look so handsome. See you tomorrow for breakfast. Don’t forget to brush your teeth but don’t use woolite……I prefere whipped cream
Xoxo
Tall Taco Twin
Manitoba2ct
My darling Noah,
I cannot believe how handsome you are. I mean, you have always been the hotest boy I know but I think the Woolite and Scotchguard really did something.
I bet you smell really handsome too. 🙂 I can tell you didn’t like from your pictures. I am sorry it was so yuky for you. Did you meditate through it like I taught you?
I miss you and hope you get the goody package I mailed to you soon.
I have been wearing the sweater your Mom knit for me as it is very cold her in Connecticut right now. I love the snow! It doesn’t usually stay for very long here but it is now. This makes my Mum very happy because she get homesick for winter in Manitoba a lot. She is making me mittens. Do you need some?
Peace and Lots of Love
Dharma
Big Monkey
Noah,
Before I read a sentence, I saw your picture with the cleaning bottles and I panicked! :O Laura has never given me a bath, and I plan to keep it that way. I fell face first into a plate of baked beans once, but somehow a spot cleaning did the trick.
Getting spiffed up for your big television debut tomorrow is an important thing. Being beautiful isn’t easy. Good luck tomorrow!
XOXO Big Monkey
Noah
Hi, Cally!!
Twinkie filling is good for brushing teeth, too. I can’t wait for breakfast tomorrow! I deserve a good breakfast taco after all I have been through.
Love, Noah
Noah
Hi, Dharma!!
I have been missing you so much!! Do you think Auntie Manitoba would send you down here for my birthday party? It will be on February 6. The real date is February 8, but that is a Monday, and we were thinking we might celebrate my birthday at Big Truck Tacos. I am taking a special sign with me tomorrow. It is just for you. I hope they let me show it on the TV. 🙂
Yes, please. I would love to have some mittens! And I will wait by the mailbox every day when the postman comes, until I get your package. I am already working on your valentine!! It is going to be big and sparkaly!!
Love, Noah
Noah
Hi, Big Monkey!
You are very lucky that Laura has never given you a bath. If you have some Woolite and Scotch-Gard at your house, throw them in the trash while she is not looking.
Mom gave me a spot cleaning when I fell in the gravy at Ingrid’s, but spot cleaning did not work on the coffee. You are right. Looking good is important, but it is not easy.
Love, Noah
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